took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
