i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
