I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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