my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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