Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Come on in and take your pants off
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