my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
