i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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