Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
just tell him i said nine months
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
