I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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