oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
