grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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