just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
