sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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