I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
