totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
