Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
