I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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