I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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