there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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