I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
