p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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