so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
