the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
it's not cheating when I paid for it
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
