I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
