this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
