I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize