It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I want to have your abortion
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
