Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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