The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
