i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
