apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize