I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
