we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
