What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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