I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
