I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
