she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize