Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
