Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
