Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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