The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize