I love black thongs
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
