Do you still have your period?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
