Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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