Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
