You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
