If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Randomize
