just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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