I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
