i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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