remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
