I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
