I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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