Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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