who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
