i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
