He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I skipped work to stalk him.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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