It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
