she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
