Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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