i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
