Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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