I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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