Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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