im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
