sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i barfeds in our rink
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Someone signed my nipple.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize