im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
of course. lets lasso hookers.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
