Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
