1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
